Saturday, August 06, 2011


Rasputin was sleeping the slumber of Kings and Queens. Airy fairies, flying high in a midsummer sky and crashing back to earth woke with a jump.

To be honest Rasputin is probably a bit on the blind side without contacts and as you can see from the pictures glasses are laying in the bed prone to be grabbed in case Rasputin needs to see a blood sucking pervert enter the bedroom.

To Rasputin’s dismay it is not a pervert but some sort of monster that stares with demonic terror into Rasputin’s admittedly iffy eyes. Knowing that the baseball bat, the iron crow bar and even the taser are not going to work against the dastardly devil staring in defiance Rasputin grabs the iphone sitting next to the bed and begins clicking pictures. Rasputin is also a bit afraid of tasering Rasputin which would not be a good defense against the evil monsters.

Of course Rasputin has a compromised I phone that has no flash so the pictures were off set with the light of the ever constant glowing lava lamp, another light defense aiding in seeing any marauding murderous intruders.

Rasputin knows if it had been an I PHONE 4 with a flash the terrifying moment would be much easier for the reader to see. However as the subject of why Rasputin does not have an I phone 4 gets Rasputin more pissed off than the devils sharing the bed at 3:15, we shall move on.

The following are the pictures taken by the brave Rasputin.

Holy crap it is either and devil or ET looking at Rasputin see the nose and the almond shaped eyes ? Maybe Rasputin needs the taser after all. No experimentation on Raspootin, a fight to the bitter end.

a side look at the alien
but oh no now what does Rasputin see ?

see the out line of the face with a ear, nose , eyes and lips (oh my )

oh no there is a K does that stand for Kill Rasputin??? OMG there looks like there is a dead lady to the upper right of the picture. She looks like some one put a gag over her mouth.

There is that dead lady again

there is the alien again or could it be a demon with a hood over his head. how dare it smile at Raspootin.

To make short order of the whole situation Rasputin leaps from the bed with the skill of an Olympian and beats the blankets with crowbar in right hand and baseball bat in left.

Rasputin casts the devils and dead lady out and lives on to fight the powers of the unknown another day.

Moral of the story do not consume certain foods before sleep.

Friday, February 11, 2011


AH well what do you suppose Raspootin has now discovered? Could it be a bird could it be a plane or could it be JESUS?

Raspootin was casually standing outside enjoying the delightful smell of dead fish guts when all of a sudden it was a miracle. There right in view of the entire group was a thing of such amazing no not just amazing but astonishing, no not astonishing; BUT - EPIC -biblical proportions.

Immediately the group (not Raspootin as Raspootin would not do such a thing) bent down and started to pray. They did not even care about the fish guts; which was definitely a point of great consideration to Raspootin. The group of fisher-people was crying salty sea fishy tears of joy and wonderment.

There in front of them; was Jesus. In the skull of a Cat fish Jesus had returned. Raspootin warily looked closer and was disappointed to find that it was not Jesus (because Jesus would be much more exotic) but indeed it had to be Pope John Paul II beatified in splendorous beauty…

There was an ensuing commotion as the fisher-people and Raspootin argued the point of identification. Raspootin stuck to the story that POPE JOHN was visiting because he was slowly turning over in his heavenly grave with regards to Pope Ratzinger’s recent departures from traditional Catholicism. Imagine practicing your holy confession on an IPhone app. Appalling.

Luckily a more knowledgeable fisher man person, BILLY, showed up to save the day (and the faces of Raspootin and the Fisher- people) explaining that all Cat Fish Skulls look like Jesus and the pope.

Next time you visit LONG JOHN Silvers or any other fine dining, fish serving, establishment REMEMBER that you are in the company of Jesus and the pope so don’t pick your teeth, don’t talk with your mouth full, don’t belch or fart and definitely turn that IPhone off cause Jesus and the Pope will think you are rude, which will lead to EPIC badness in the world :)

This message is approved by Raspootin!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

hullo helga

Raspootin received this delightful email this morning...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, Jan 20, 2011 at 10:35 AM
Subject: Re:
Hi dear! I am for a decent man.

As for me, I am a young Russian girl

Do you like Russian women?

They are not just beautiful and smart, but very tolerant too.
Russian women value family and try to be with their husbands as much as possible.

It's time to get to know each other!
See you on marriage agency. Cheerio!

Please, visit this site!

Raspootin knows that his Russian heritage makes him an obvious target for spam things like this, but what is quite odd that last night, Raspootin was watching an uncharacteristic reality show. It was all about ugly American men shopping the Russian woman market for "Mail Order Brides". In this particular show the fuggly little american man 36 years of age who lives with his parents went to Russia to meet the stero- typical blonde Russian woman who he was corresponding with.

She wanted him to pick her, but he decided against it... In Raspootin's humble opinion he should have gone for it cause his chances of meeting a woman are remote.

Raspootin wants to know in light of this email arriving bright and early the morning after the, all be it, poor choice of programming if gmail is now monitoring Raspootin's viewing habits...