Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I am working on finishing my Katrina Story, but seem to be lacking in the writing skills area today.
So COP OUT -
The following link is a very sentimental and appropriate to "The Day After"
This link is to a very interesting site that is basically saying that the Levees would have broken even without Katrina. In fact, if you want to analyze it the writer is saying that Katrina was a blessing in disguise. The levees were so poorly maintained and constructed that they were on the verge of breaking at any given time. At least when they broke, the majority of people had evacuated.
And this is a really cool interactive MAP that documents exactly how the Levees breached – just in case you believe they were bombed…
Monday, August 28, 2006
This is a picture of the house directly next to the place I stayed during Katrina.
My friend Denise and I were going to stay at Ben’s house. He has a huge Victorian Mansion on Prytania Street. As we were letting ourselves into his house we ran into a group of our friends who said that we should come and stay in the condo above them.
Safety in numbers is always a good thing when you look around and realize that the 6 of you are the only people on a normally busy street.
The weather forecast had the storm hitting the New Orleans area Sunday morning at 8 or 9:00am, so Denise and I decided to go upstairs to the Condo for the night, planning to meet up with our group for the storm in the morning. Around 2am the lights cut out. I had a radio, and flash light which both worked when I tested them 3 hours previous to the pitch black and heat. They were now all completely dead. I have to say that during the next 12 hours of constant howling wind I felt like I might die too.
Around 5am – hard to tell because I could not see anything, there was a huge explosion. I thought well, this is it. We are going to die. It must have been a tornado hitting the house next to us. Our only exit from the building was a 3 tier fire escape at the back of the condo as the front of the house was boarded up. With winds blowing sustained at 80 mph with gust up to 125 this did not seem like a very feasible escape route.
Finally around 10 am the winds were letting up. Denise and I picked up all the potted window plants that had fallen on the ground due to the swaying of the building. We put out 7 buckets to catch the leaking rain where the roof had obviously been compromised.
Though rather shaken by the experience we were happy because we thought we had “dodged the bullet”. Everything was going to be fine. Little did we know that the “Katrina Experience” was only beginning.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
This has been a long 4 days. I have managed to evoke every stress level that is out there. My gallery is like a child to me as I have no children. The gallery is rewarding like I hear children are, and is fraught with the same anxiety. Shallow? Making that type of comparison, perhaps, but still filled with the same anxiety for me.
It’s weird how anxiety works: like paint seaping into a porous surface, it just happens. Should we say that a child’s fear of the first day of school is less? Less than a child’s anxiety about being constantly bullied at school, less than the girl that cries her eyes raw because the young man does not call her; less than Dad losing his job. Less than getting diagnosed with a terminal illness or is it less than losing a limb?
Bottom line, anxiety at any level is the same. Whether it’s going to kill you or you just think it is has no relevance.
I have deleted several Raspootin comments these past 4 days as they have not been appropriate to what I want my site to be. They were antagonized by a level of compulsive obsessive painting and a firm fear of a CAT 4 hurricane hitting New Orleans.
I have not yet painted the floors in my gallery, but when I do I will post a picture. I must say that it took a bit of endurance on my part to do this project, and I am very proud of the results.
It would be nice to live in a stress free environment. It might be at times, even nice to be stupid, clueless or so ignorant that we would not allow these things to make us anxious as we would be completely oblivious. Luckily there is a pill for everything
Thursday, August 24, 2006
I did see it! Now we have something to be compulsive obsessive about. As If I need anything more than painting my gallery to be compulsive obsessive about.
The project looks like it's going to be an even longer process than I first anticipated. Thought for the day, when an interior designer tells you to paint your walls black, tell him to fuck off.
Do you know how much kills it takes to cover a black wall?
Trust me you do not want to know. The experience has been so bad that I did not even take a picture for Saturday Knights.
There are no computer models for US strike probabilities out yet, but you can trust that I will post them as soon as they are available
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
This is the ebay listing:
current bid price $98.00
" KNOW YOU WILL WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ALL NATURAL ENCRUSTED OYSTER SHELL CLEARLY DEPICTING OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I WAS AMAZED TO SEE THIS GREAT IMPRESSION OF JESUS CHRIST ON THE INSIDE OF THE OYSTER SHELL. . THIS WILL BE HARD FOR ME TO LET GO AS I HAVE ENJOYED THIS OBJECT FOR MANY MONTH'S NOW.. PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE BECAUSE I WILL MOST LIKELY NOT RELIST THIS ITEM ANYTIME SOON. THIS PRECIOUS ITEM WILL BE SHIPPED WITH EXTREME CARE IN A BOX WITH EXTRA EXTRA BUBLEWRAP AND WILL INCLUDE INSURANCE DURING SHIPPING"
Is it just me or are these Jesus sightings just getting chezzzzzzy. This has to be the worst eBay listing I have ever seen. Speaking of cheese next time you eat it make sure you are not decapitating Jesus or the Virgin Mary.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Lighter/Slighter Side of life= a good change
I still can not figure out how you do youTube, but this link will get you there!
HOW'd they do that??? Apparently it is really from the show.
The looks on David H ? Brandy? The guy from Friends? –are so umm priceless that I don’t even have to incorporate the CC slogan.
Monday, August 21, 2006
There have been the doomsayers ever since Katrina hit New Orleans who claim New York is next on the hurricane hit list. It could happen…
Just pay attention. We never really know until the last day, hour where the hurricane is going to hit. Just that slight deviation saved New Orleans from utter destruction.
These weather maps are just out off of NOAA’s site.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
What’s the mystery here? it's no secret dirty republicans and developers in their pockets want to turn nola into a disneyland for whities, so yeah, the black folk gots to go. black people scare white people.
I think you have it 1/2 correct and the rest wrong.
No doubt other than Nagin, politicians want to keep black people out of New Orleans. These politicians who are actually state congress people and State Senators are the driving force. Why support a huge populace that can not and has never supported itself? This money cuts into their pet projects funded out of Baton Rouge – hell let's just take that money for a golf course and barn – why the hell would we want to give it to constituents that will never vote for us? Bad?? – Yes I agree, but I still think that is what is happening.
The Whites that live in Orleans Parish are not scared by a majority that is black and poor. If they were scared by this they would have never thrown their tax dollars into buying homes in Orleans Parish. They would have simply moved to bigger, better and newer homes in the Burbs.
The whites are simply disappointed that the whole hope for a crime free city has been ruined by 95% gang territory black on black crime.
When I was finally allowed back in Orleans Parish in October 2005, it was like living in an urban city that was in the “country side” It was wonderful not having to fight traffic and the traffic challenged, it was a fabulous experience to be able to park in front of my house without fighting neighbors for parking. The lights were out, the stars were shining.
It is not about having a white New Orleans. New Orleans is defined by being racially diverse with the percentage of this diversity being 25% white and 75% Black. This diversity in culture defines this city and makes it GREAT, UNIQUE all of the superlatives.
If this was all racial black kids and white kids would be killing each other at an equal rate of perversity.
The fact it’s not racial does not make it any less disturbing or heartbreaking.
I went on so decided this would fit better as a post.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
The city council should be responsible for implementing the plan (whatever that is) And Nagin should be out there doing exactly as he is doing. I am sure that as non politicians it is very easy for us to crucify a person without having all of the facts straight. The bottom line is that if we want positive change, we must be proactive, not reactive about the mayor or crime or mold. Being negative is not going to make anything positive.
As to the issue of racism, I agree with Nagin’s comments to a large extent. The Katrina aftermath would have been handled much differently if it happened in South Beach or in Orange County. However I think the racism was not about not wanting to help black people, but not wanting to help New Orleans in general.
I will concede that as New Orleans was 70-75% black that does give you a cause for pause. I think the general public opinion was, “Well you knew that this could happen so what are you complaining about now that it has?” “Why are you stupid people living below sea level in a place that has hurricanes?”
I am sure that we are not finished with catastrophic events occurring in our country. It will be interesting to see if anything was learned by Katrina. For your sake, I hope it has. Never think that this could not happen to you.
Listen to the speech – and learn a bit about what is really going on down here.
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin addresses the National Association of Black Journalists
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin blames racism and government bureaucracy for hamstringing his city's ability to recover from Hurricane Katrina.
Mayor Nagin and City Council member's :
Friday, August 18, 2006
Once again I can not seem to help myself. I have a fascination with these religious things appearing in food. First Jesus in the shrimp tail now the Virgin Mary makes an appearance in the chocolate overflow drip tray.
Who analyzed the drip tray long enough to think it looked like the Virgin Mary? It’s kind of like examining the lint in your navel or saying look at my poop doesn’t that look like…jesus? Who would bother looking in the first place, let alone discuss it and then take a picture: just flush it.
I have included the comparison picture for your expert review. Not only would I not revere this bit of chocolate, I would refuse to eat it.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
I remember with great clarity my first airplane flight. I was 5 years old and I was flying with my mother, brother and sister from Denver to Casper, WY. The flight takes you through the mountains and it was really bumpy. I sat in a seat next to my mother, my brother and sister sat directly behind us. At the height of the dips and bounces my brother who was about 9 and my sister who was 12 could not stand it anymore. Mark leaned his head with Catherine cramming hers right next to his over the seat and stared at my mother. “Mom are we going to die?” “Mom I feel sick!” I remember there was an eruption of puke that not only hit my mom and me but the passengers in front of us. Too bad The Guinness people were not there, my siblings could have placed for puke projection.
Another memorable airplane incident was when we moved to Cairo. I have no idea why my parents chose to fly a local airline but there you go, all part of the learning process. I was around 11 and had a seat on my own. The person next to me was carrying a chicken. The person behind me had a goat. I am not lying. Because I had not yet learned what tact is I kept saying to my mother and Father who were sitting in the adjacent 2 seats – Why do they have animals on the Plane? DADDY the goat made a poop. DADDY!!!!! The goat's trying to eat my shoe. When the guy I was sitting next to decided to use the toilet he kindly placed his chicken on my lap. What can I say, there was a language barrier, there was definitely a cultural barrier and I still am not fond of goats or chickens.
When we landed at the airport in Cairo the customs people started to randomly pull people out of line. I remember my mother looking at my dad and saying: “Jim, what are they doing?” When they pulled her she got hysterical and said “Jim no matter what they are doing, tell them not to do it to me”. There was a fenced in pen in the corner of the custom clearing area where they were doing full body searches. Not in private I may add. Needless to say I think my mother’s experience was far more memorable than mine. This happened a long time ago but to this day it is the one thing she can bring up and win any argument with my father.
I was traveling back from Art Expo in New York. It was 3 months after 911, so security was really tight. Mardi Gras was in full swing in New Orleans and I sat next to a young guy – 15 or so who must have had a fake ID as the flight attendant kept serving him and his friends drinks. Well the guy I was sitting next to kept drinking and drinking and becoming louder and louder. The flight attendant finally stopped serving him. All the alcohol got the guy thinking that he must have a cigarette. This was his first time on an airplane. He kept up his rant about I have to have a cigarette or I am going to go insane. His friends kept saying Dude just calm down you can’t smoke on the plane –
Like I said I am sitting next to the guy, chewing my little piece of nicorette. I thought about offering him a piece, but then thought the better of it. The guy announced to me and everyone else around that he was going to take a leak. Good go was my thought. He hadn’t shut up since he got on board. 2 minutes after he gets into the bathroom the alarm goes off on the plane. The Lights dim and all the little red lights go on. If it had not been right after 911 I probably would not have been so startled. It was kind of scary, at first. I then immediately realized that the little wise ass had gone into the toilet and lit his cigarette.
For the rest of the flight I had to sit next to the Air Marshal and this guy who would not stop crying. The air marshal said that he was going to be arrested as soon as the plane landed and be taken into custody by NOPD. Everyone on the plane kept making excuses to walk down the isle to take a look at the kid. By virtue of my close seating proximity the more gregarious passengers kept saying “you really should be a more responsible Guardian, Imagine letting that child drink and smoke on the plane – terrible”
I can be thankful that I have never encountered a snake or peeing panic attack victim on a flight, but my mind is definitely open to the possibilities!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Last hurricane season was too interesting, I would certainly be more interesting if I had a blog site then... So now you are stuck with my posts of things that are probably not going to develop into much of anything, but I can't help myself as it still is interesting to me!
#1. = The big blob that is going to hit Houston
#2. = The system that could potentially form and be the first hurricane of the season. Projected path (yup very defined) is anywhere between North Carolina and Central Florida. Of course Central Florida would mean it could re- emerge in the gulf, which is always interesting...?
Monday, August 14, 2006
Nothing to say
I will find the time
I was listening to WWL this evening. Garland was interviewing author Pamela Ewen. She had just come out with a book titled “Walk Back the Cat”.
The premise of the interview was: What makes us choose good over evil? Why are some people willing to lay down their lives to save others in critical moments? Let’s examine the heroic side of human nature.
She said during the interview that the one absolute truth that can be agreed on by everyone: religious – atheistic: is the “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” “Treat your neighbor as you would be treated. She said the only people that fail to follow this adage are terrorists who are Nihilists and follow the philosophy of Nietzsche.
A Nihilist – forgive me if I have this wrong, believes in nothing as in nil? She said that Nihilists believe in destruction the reconstruction. This was not my understanding; which is why I am bringing the subject up for comments.
I thought Ms Ewen made an odd comparison odd, as certainly suicide terrorists/ terrorists in general must have a belief in a purpose, even it we can not understand that purpose, that still does not eradicate that there is innately a purpose behind their actions.
Here is an excerpt from her book “Walk Back The Cat” – It kind of reminds me of “The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night Time”, by Mark Hadden. Hadden’s book won a lot of prestigious rewards for children’s literature. I read the book and found it very adult.
Anyway the above comparison is only based on the following – I have not read the book.
Okay I can not be bothered to type the excerpt out as there is a copyright block on it on Amazon.com – but here is the link:
Walk Back the Cat by Pamela Binnings Ewen
No doubt the link will not work as I still can not figure out hyperlinks -
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
New Orleans, LA
By Trymaine Lee
AS printed in The Times Picayune:
A 30-year-old New Orleans man was captured Sunday after a Carrollton homeowner walked in to find him watching pornography on the Internet, New Orleans police said. Richard Barnes, who police said crawled through the doggy door of a home in the 1200 block of Lowerline Street, was caught Sunday by the home's owner after she returned from an afternoon outing, police said. The woman unlocked her front door, walked in and almost immediately encountered Barnes masturbating while online, police said. The frightened homeowner grabbed her oversized dog and bolted from the house.
The homeowner grabbed her oversized dog??? Okay the oversized dog is the explanation of how the guy got through the doggy door. I get that. It’s just an odd way of putting it – I grabbed my oversized dog? I think Ms Lee is getting a little tongue and cheek with this story.
Also if the home owner came upon him immediately, where was this oversized Dog? I mean hello wouldn’t the oversized dog be barking? Wouldn’t the oversized dog have ripped the guy’s throat out? Or at least peed on his leg?
Why would anyone have a doggy door big enough for a person to fit through? That’s just stupid! Why would a burglar break into someone’s house, turn on the computer, go to a porn site and start going for it uhhh kind of stupid too?
The article concluded that Barnes was wanted for a stream of burglaries not a stream of semen which apparently they are going to DNA test the computer for in order to convict…
Monday, August 07, 2006
"The man wrote that he wanted to share with viewers a smile and a sense of hope.
He claimed that when he finished his first shrimp, he disregarded the tail, but then looked at it again and saw the face of Jesus.
The writer said he believed it was a sign, as he's currently going through a nasty divorce"
I guess I can see Jesus' face on this shrimp. Shrimp tails, grilled cheese sandwiches, big macs, I guess you have to be eating to see Jesus these days. What happened to just going to church?
Actually I guess it was the Virgin Mary on the grilled cheese now I am thinking about it. I wonder if this guy is going to try and auction his shrimp on ebay. I guess it will help him pay for the divorce.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
I am having one of those days that make me wonder why I even bother getting out of bed every day. Nothing specific has happened, just a general sense of boredom bordering on depression with a good dose of anxiousness.
I talked to the mother of one of my artists. I was going to give Michael H a show in September. I have since moved the show to December as apparently he is recovering from a drug induced seizure. Every time he calls the caller ID reads psychiatric ward. Anyway his mother wants me to frame his pieces. I explained that I am in the business of selling art not framing. Not my problem. She explained that her son could not help being crazy as all artists are crazy. Now, I am not going to fight the logic as Michael is certainly not the first artist that I work with that has gone off to the funny farm this month.
Michael wants to wrap all his pieces in clear acetate, attach a hook to the acetate and put them on the wall. Yes, Michael you are crazy if you think I am going to hang a show like that in my gallery. (Please note) the picture…
After I got off the phone with Mom one of my accounting clients came into the gallery. He immediately started talking about his company’s financial problems and pulled a big stack of papers out of his brief case. He then stuck the stack of shit on top of the papers that I was working with on my desk. That really pisses me off when someone assumes that what they have to say or do is obviously more important than what I am doing.
Oblivious to any potential clients walking in to the gallery he sat next to me, closely next to me, where I could smell his bad breath close, for 3 hours. I just kept looking at him and wondering A. What he was saying? and B. What he was thinking? Have you ever had a conversation with someone where half way through you start to wonder how you would see yourself if you were them? It is hard for me to explain exactly what I mean other than to say you take your mind out of your body and place it in their eyes. Well this is what I was doing to him. It is rather disconcerting. Sort of like the first time you see a backside shot of yourself on a video camera and your like “God that’s not me.”– then it’s like” God; that is me!” and you feel paranoid for the rest of the day: all the time trying not to ask any one if you really look like what you looked like on the video camera in real life.
So back to real life and getting out of bed in the morning; why do I bother? I think I like my dream world better. It is definitely more interesting and far more satisfying.
I am looking at the acetate covered Jimmy Page – and thinking it does not look so bad. However, a whole bunch of them together might look terrible on the wall. I also just noticed something kind of white and a little sticky all over the acetate and instinctively touched it with my finger. Hmmm time to go wash my hands. I don’t even want to imagine what it was. Why bother?
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thu, 3 Aug 2006 21:26:30 -0700 (PDT)
A friend of mine who I am not sure wants to be identified
Israel & War in general
This is an email sent to me by a republican friend. When I posted The NPR series “Middle East: a Century in Conflict” It was an attempt to get the facts straight on the history of this conflict. I would have liked to have some comments on the transcripts as I found them very interesting. Evidently most people thought they were too long or to boring.
To this end I am posting my friend’s email:
I notice you have several articles on your blog re. the Middle East.
Thought you might be interested in what these conservative (usually Christian) sites have to say, since this may showcase a perspective you are not familiar with:
This now rare flavor of conservatism is known as Paleoconservatism.
Keep in mind these are people who have been ostracized from the Republican Party. They are conservative, unlike you, but they are not hypocrites. They place God, small government, freedom, & Humanity first, unlike many "Republican Christians" who are cheerleading death & genocide in the Middle East. In other words they live & practice what they preach, unlike those individuals, who really worship Nationalism & the Flag.
Isn't it ironic that one of the most oppressed and suffering groups in the birthplace of Christianity is ... Christians. Our wars & those encouraged by us have nearly extinguished through death or emmigration the entire Christian population of the Holy Land. Few people will agree in public with Paleoconservatives due to the fear of being smeared as anti-semetic. Sort of like being accused of bigotry and racism for criticizing Jesse Jackson or William Jefferson. No rational discussions required. The shrill accusation of racism trumps all arguments.
You might also be interested on just why the Pope has expressed dismay re. the wars in Iraq in Lebanon. It is based on "Just War Doctrine" which you can google. In a nutshell, the doctrine states that war is permitted and justified if certain criteria are met. These wars do not meet the criteria.
On the other hand, perhaps this stuff is too HOT for your blog. But perhaps you may still find it interesting to see that not all conservateves and/or republicans march in lock-step.
Just my two cents.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
“Gawd, saints alive I never did see that many police on this street”
“Well I am a bit embarrassed – I parked in their drive way”
“Sakes no – we saw you parallel parking that spot and were clappin”
I do remember parallel parking into the spot, but I guess I must have got on their drive way
“Indeedy no doll – they had that young one ya know the one who yelled at you? He was parked in front of the drive.”
You mean he let his dad – or whoever park inside the gate then he blocked the driveway with his car?
“Ya his” (asking hubby) “Expeditions” (Expedition)
“Well you are a good girl I was sorry about seeing that”
Well thank you for telling me – good night!
So, vindicated as there would have been no way for me to see that it was a drive way. It is hard to imagine that a drive way here can be 2’ but there you go. I feel better now, but still want to get even.
A pictorial view of the festivity last night; I am sure that you are all terribly interested. At least you know that I do not have an overly active imagination and was telling the truth. That would be the view from my entry way of the port o let – and my neighbor’s house with the DJ. My house is to the left.
I would probably not even bother with this post if something that really pisses me off had not happened later on that evening.
I mentioned that we are “politely” asked to remove our cars from the street. I did as instructed and parked less than half a block away. I am not saying that I am the completely innocent party in what happened, but please tell me if the following would not piss you off too.
About 9:30 things were still not winding down – the nuns were having a blast. So I decided to leave my car where it was parked. I took my shower, sleeping pill and went to bed. Mind you, I was up until 11:00 before I took the sleeping pill.
At around 11:15 my neighbor Brian wakes me up ( I was dozing) by screaming at me off of his balcony which is way too close to my bedroom window that I have to get up and move my car or they are going to tow it.
I jump out of bed – as much as a jump a person who has taken a sleeping pill can jump, get dressed and go the 50ft down the street to see what’s up. Inadvertently I must have partially blocked the driveway of a “neighbor”. Not only is the “neighbor” out by my car, but his wife her father and 2 police cars. Not to mention the “nosey neighbors” peeking out of their windows. I was pissed off to an extent just because that’s how I always feel when I first wake up. I was ready to say sorry and move the car. I could not help but mutter “great fucking neighborly thing calling the Police on night out against crime” Well the guy whose driveway I was partially blocking took exception to my comment.
“Fucking Drunk” “YOU FUCKING” (top of a voice scream) Bitch!
Well that did not sit well with me at all I was starting to develop a slight attitude. However as the policemen were looking me and technically I was in the wrong I decided to keep my mouth shut.
He then goes:”YOU FUCKING LEFT YOUR CAR WIDE THE FUCK OPEN” So I look in the car and see that the door is unlocked. Not exactly wide open just unlocked. Whatever so I left it unlocked? He said:” we went through your car to find out who it belonged to.” I noticed that everything had been pulled out of the glove compartment and obviously they had decided to sit in the driver’s seat as it was pulled way back.
The cop is rolling her eyes like OMG please get over your self. So I asked the guy well if you rummaged through my car why couldn’t you simply walk 50 yards down the street and let me know that I made a mistake. My insurance car is in the ash tray. It has my address on it. – They did not have to throw all my stuff over the seats. He responds: “getting my fucking ass out of bed is not his job.”
Well to conclude the story, I moved the car; the cop gave me a $75 ticket and in the morning I noticed that in the back seat there was dirty plastic plates that the ass neighbor threw there to show his disapproval of me blocking his driveway.
I know that I made a mistake, but I think the guy overreacted. I will continue to hold a grudge until the day I die. I really would like to get back at him. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
I promise to stop putting these pictures on Saturday Knights until there is a further change. Apparently my comprehensive storm theory was disturbing to some people. "Weather" they were disturbed about me mentally or about the storm probability is still up in the air...
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
This is my take as the amateur, (immature paranoid) meteorologist that these two systems could meet in the Gulf.
Where they go right let’s rhyme who will know?
But it could result in the super storm. The weather conditions are correct for both and they are heading in on the same course. Chris and Debby?
I will be honest. Chris is a bit further out than my arrow indicates. However he is traveling the same path/
What I have a hard time grasping is why Night out against Crime is in August? It is filthy hot outside. Even if you were trying to make a good impression on a neighbor; who can possibly make a good impression with sweat pouring out of every pore. For women it is even worse as typically we try to put on a bit of make-up. I can attest to the fact that your “neighbor” will be the last to tell you that your eye liner is doing an Alice Cooper.
Typically a television crew shows up to show everyone else in the city how neighborly we are being. To this end not only your neighbors see you looking like a wilted piece of shit but your family, friends and the worst – your co workers see you too – and comment endlessly on how great you looked on camera. This praise is always delivered as a double sided compliment: “You always look so good on TV; well don’t worry there is always next year.”
You might ask why I bother participating if I hate it so much. For some odd reason that I really can’t answer the neighborhood association (we are talking a 4 square mile radius) has decided that the perfect place to hold the thing is right in front of my house. Actually I am lying. The DJ sets up on my neighbor’s porch, plugs his equipment into my outside outlet and they put the Port-o-let directly in front of my house.
I assume that because the human port a potty is in front of my gate that the neighbors all assume that it is ok to let their dogs loose in my front yard while they are socializing. I like dogs. I do not like dog poop. I really do not like stepping in dog poop and I really: really do not like cleaning it off my shoes. In fact I would as likely throw the shoes out as clean them.
One last complaint: they block off the street 1 block either side of mine so then you have to find a parking place away from the allotted area and walk to the event. Off street parking in New Orleans is a prized commodity and I don’t have it – so even if I chose to park the car in front of my house the neighbors would politely insist that I move it. Walk to your house wait for everyone to go home walk to you car at 11:00pm to remove it from where you left it: kind of a pisser – okay I am finished.
Well it’s about time for the neighborly festivities to begin so I guess I shall go and find my parking place, look in the review mirror to make sure at least I look passable before it starts and attempt to be pleasant. Or I could just go to my local watering hole and hope they are all gone by the time I get back. That is looking at the Brightside!