Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Night Out Against Crime

Every year with out fail this day comes around in August. I assume it is always the first Tuesday in August? I get along with my neighbors – well there have been exceptions to this which I will expound upon some other time.

What I have a hard time grasping is why Night out against Crime is in August? It is filthy hot outside. Even if you were trying to make a good impression on a neighbor; who can possibly make a good impression with sweat pouring out of every pore. For women it is even worse as typically we try to put on a bit of make-up. I can attest to the fact that your “neighbor” will be the last to tell you that your eye liner is doing an Alice Cooper.

Typically a television crew shows up to show everyone else in the city how neighborly we are being. To this end not only your neighbors see you looking like a wilted piece of shit but your family, friends and the worst – your co workers see you too – and comment endlessly on how great you looked on camera. This praise is always delivered as a double sided compliment: “You always look so good on TV; well don’t worry there is always next year.”

You might ask why I bother participating if I hate it so much. For some odd reason that I really can’t answer the neighborhood association (we are talking a 4 square mile radius) has decided that the perfect place to hold the thing is right in front of my house. Actually I am lying. The DJ sets up on my neighbor’s porch, plugs his equipment into my outside outlet and they put the Port-o-let directly in front of my house.

I assume that because the human port a potty is in front of my gate that the neighbors all assume that it is ok to let their dogs loose in my front yard while they are socializing. I like dogs. I do not like dog poop. I really do not like stepping in dog poop and I really: really do not like cleaning it off my shoes. In fact I would as likely throw the shoes out as clean them.

One last complaint: they block off the street 1 block either side of mine so then you have to find a parking place away from the allotted area and walk to the event. Off street parking in New Orleans is a prized commodity and I don’t have it – so even if I chose to park the car in front of my house the neighbors would politely insist that I move it. Walk to your house wait for everyone to go home walk to you car at 11:00pm to remove it from where you left it: kind of a pisser – okay I am finished.

Well it’s about time for the neighborly festivities to begin so I guess I shall go and find my parking place, look in the review mirror to make sure at least I look passable before it starts and attempt to be pleasant. Or I could just go to my local watering hole and hope they are all gone by the time I get back. That is looking at the Brightside!


Anonymous said...

Night out against crime is an important event and should be promoted and supported. In saying that, why isn't this event more publicized. I live uptown and no one on my block participates nor addresses the event. I really think that if the city were to choose a cooler time of year and made it a Saturday or Sunday function there might be more participation.

Bosh said...

In my area of the world we don't have such a thing as night out against crime.

After reading your post I am very happy that this is the case.

Anonymous: perhaps the powers that be would consider such an event on a weekend a conflict with the more amuzing things that one finds oneself doing on a Saturday night.

Pub or standing out in the street? Not much of a choice there.

Raspootin said...

The Pub sounds like a good idea!