Thursday, July 12, 2007

Macho Conservative BS

I am a liberal and damn proud of it!

I am definately not threated by this 'he man mockery' of liberals. To that extent I am not going to "forward it" - and will post it !

Here is a condensed version of history.

(as told by a conservative)
And may I add who are the "jackasses"that voted for GW Bush not once but twice? Evidently they are now just feeling like donkeys"

"Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadichunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to getman to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization andtogether were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. (This is the movement of men that spend all their time in front of a TV high fiving it with buddies or hangin' at the bar while their wife has 2 jobs and takes care of his cleaning, food needs and offspring)

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. (These are the men who care about their wives, family and are actually useful)

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.(very offensive) The rest became known as girlie-men.(very offensive to men who actually are in touch with their feelings) Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs,and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. ( I like cats that are not ferile- I hate group hugs so I guess I am a liberconservatist -)

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. (that would be a donkey)

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.(most 'manly conservative" men would never think about steak tartar - but its fun to watch their face when they order it in a restuarant and realize what it is )Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.( I don't think who wrote this has ever heard of ann coulter ) Most social workers,personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and grouptherapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. ( that sounds like some sort of gay f- ing double entendre)

Conservatives drink domestic beer.(yeah for dixie and bud) They eat red meat and still provide for their women. (barf - by battering and being controlling basters) Conservatives are big-game hunters,(nice) rodeo cowboys,(yahoo cowhunk) lumberjacks, (thats right cut down the trees all so environmentally correct) construction workers,(YMCA ya got to love that group so sure they were conservative) firemen, medical doctors ,police officers, corporate executives,(Enron, uh how many more ripped off the good conservatives that worked for them?)athletes,( OJ was a great athelete) Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. (sounds a bit Iconoclastic: but Conservatives probably don't even know how to spell the word let alone what it means)

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.(we must be the brain behind the brawn) Liberals believeEuropeans are more enlightened than Americans.( European culture has preceeded ours by 1000+ years I guess that might mean something to someone who acutally has a brain) That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wilderness was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.(sounds pretty clever to me) Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.( I blogged it because it was dumb) A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history( because they are dumber than this blog/ post) that it will be forwarded immediately too their true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off." ( not pissed off - i actually had a bit of fun!)


bwcubed said...

which is why I say believe very little of what you read,unless it is in a Mad Magazine.

Raspootin said...

I am glad to know that I am not the only one who believes 100% in Mad Magazine :)

the rube said...

what, me worry?

as a shape shifter, i'm both a conservative and a liberal.

Hepkey said...

i'm both

only a liberal would say that

Raspootin said...

I hate group hugs so I guess I am a liberconservatist -)

Woozie said...

Well, I have a bone to pick with that " European culture has preceeded ours by 1000+ years" part. Three things:

1) All the stuff that happened in the European renaissance was built off of the golden age of the Middle East, so that's Muslim culture Europe was leeching off of.

2) Most Americans are from Europe, so one could argue that they share that European culture.

3) There were people here (for about 12,000 years) with their own culture and way of life before Europeans came along and "converted the savages" (read: fvcked things up).