Monday, December 11, 2006

Rubber works in magical ways

Imitation of Christ Psychedelic Furs...

I decided this evening that I should either do a comical post or continue with my “supernatural experiences."

I can’t help it – I was going to go for the next installment of ghost, but the comical is going to make my mood brighter and lighter.

The first apartment I lived here in New Orleans was not just odd by its room set up but made more odd by the number of people who frequented it. My friend Kate, Lisa and I decided that after living in dorms the first year of Tulane that it would be cheaper to live in an apartment.

Kate got the big master bedroom,Lisa’s Boyfriend built a wall around the center dining room area which then allowed me a secretive passage of 1.5 feet down the side of her wall to my bedroom hidden in the back of the house.

The problem with the deal that I had made with my roommates was that I had absolutely no air conditioning in my bed room. At 19 I had my job at Shanahan’s a local bar, but no money to pay for an A/C unit for the window.

As you might have noted from my previous posts, I have a tendency to make more of the obvious and attribute it to the supernatural. I was dating this guy named Gary and well – he spent some time with me in the hot in the back room.

I had 2 windows in the room and they were directly beside the twin size bed. One morning I woke up and there was this green oozy thing that seemed to be growing on the window sill. I am like well this room is 100 degrees in the day, no doubt that this could happen. The next day I noted more green ooziness. I did not think much of it as I thought it was probably mold. The next two weeks the oozy colors on the sill changed from green to red, then yellow then purple: then they just all melted together. At this point they expanded where they started to expand and grow in length, width and of course the interesting meshes of color.

I was looking at the dripping ooze one night and said in a loud voice that drove my roommates back to my reclusive bedroom, OH MY GOD, I THINK JESUS IS GROWING ON THE SILL. Surely as I am writing this, the ooze had deteriorated to a Technicolor muck that had given up the rise into a down ward drip that looked like a guy with long hair, a beard and a mustache.

As I cried out, Kate, Lisa and Gary all ran back to see what was up. I pointed out the religious experience on my widow sill. Kate and Lisa started to hysterically laugh and Gary said- we are broken up.” Do not Call me again EVER”

Being a bit naïve I wondered what the problem was – Kate and Lisa informed me that the wonder mix of Jesus on my sill was a profound mixture of Shanahans condoms.

Lovely first experience with condoms: I remember going EWWWWWWWWWW = do you think he put them there to use, or do you think he used them and put them there?

I will never know the answer to this question as I simply took a razor and removed them. My roommates teased me about Jesus condoms for years. This was a most unfortunate and a very embarrassing experience. I hate to say it, but I have 2 more condom stories that are quite amusing, but I will share them in another post.


wishin said...

That's gross

bwcubed said...

super gross. I used to go tip few at Shanahan's in the late 70's and early 80's. I wonder if you ever served me. I would have been the skinny guy with a pony tail and Todd Rundgren t-shirt on. (oh the good days, gone but not forgotten)

Raspootin said...

Yup it was all very gross and embarrassing because my friends felt the need to tell everyone they could at Shanahan's about the Jesus condoms...

Ah whenever I think about wanting to be 19 again all I have to do is think about that story and I am cured.

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