Thursday, October 19, 2006

Is spastic politically incorrect?

Just a quick post as I am using it as avoidance for walking this evening.

I hate going to the grocery store for a number of reasons. The first reason is because no matter how hard I try I always get the cart suffering from spacsticity. Either the wheels clench up and go no where or they wobble all over the place with the exception of towing the straight line. This never happens when you are outside the store where it is convenient to pick a different cart. It is a cart disease that only comes on when you place items in it and are half way through your shopping experience.

I assume if you pick a cart that is out in the lot far, far from the crowd of carts placed in front of the store that it would mean that some other stupid bastard had taken it for a roll around the store then walked it out to their car. So there is a better chance that the cart does not have spastic problems. I am going to have re-think my selection process in the future.

The second thing that is always a challenge is picking out the correct check out lane. Not only do you then have to deal with the spacsticity of your cart but that of the check out person and most typically the person in front of you. It simply should not take an organized person 15 minutes to check out with 10 items. Ladies are the worst. This is not the time to chat. This is the time to take out you check book and start writing the pertinent information.

If you are standing in front of me, but behind the person that needs the checkout person to go fetch cigarettes or liquor this is the time to raise your hand and say, while you are there would you please get me X too. Not the time to read the National Enquirer and then ask the clerk to repeat the process when it is your turn to check out.

When exiting the store how come everyone that is simultaneously leaving is always parked on either side of my car. I was there first yet now they have squeezed me in between their hideous oversized SUVs. They know unless I was to have the elasticity of a rubber band that I can not squeeze into the space between the cars and open my door until they are finished and pull out.

Today the lady even had the audacity not only take 10 minutes to unload her cart as she had to do it one handed because it was very important for her to talk on her cell, she left her cart behind my car but then banged her door into mine. She sweetly said “oh sorry hon. I can be so spastic sometimes.”

I hate going grocery shopping.

Oops so dark now that I guess I shall have to save the walking for tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

lame laugh ha ha

Anonymous said...

You call that a quick post? I had two birthdays reading that.

Anonymous said...

Do people over the age of 6 really say "spastic"?

bwc said...

man thank goodness my over sized gas guzzling F250 4x4 pick up did not make it into your description of suv's (hideous). i have grown very fond of my black beast.

Raspootin said...

Maybe if I occasionaly washed my truck people would feel worse about banging their doors into it.

If yours is black beast
mine should be named

white trash

Raspootin said...

Do people over the age of 6 really say "spastic"?

Evidently, becasue that is exactly what the SUV lady said.

I on the other hand was only thinking it.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this post because it brings back memories of grocery shopping. Since the hurricane, I traded in my full size fridge for a dormitory size fridge which holds nothing. I cant remember the last time I actually needed a cart for my stuff. Just for kicks I need to go to the store and test out the carts. I need to do what alot of people do, get a cart fill it up and then leave it for others to bump into in the store. Keep up the amusing posts, they are good for the soul. By the way, I use the word spastic and it is an ageless word.

Woozie said...

Need some vodka comrade?

Raspootin said...

Chilled vodka and caviar sounds very appealing.

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

I'm going on a three-day drink once I get off from work Sunday. This is officially the night from hell, workwise. If I drink to the point of hospitilization, I can use sick leave. Doubleplusgood.

As for the grocery stores, I'll only go in the early morning hours. Any other time is an exercise in madness.

And regarding SUVs, I could park in a forty-acre field and find myself surrounded by similar gas guzzling monoliths.