Thursday, October 11, 2007

Anxious in the Big Easy: dichotomy of terms


"The current usage of the term nightmare refers to a dream which causes the sleeper a strong unpleasant emotional response. Nightmares typically feature fear or horror, and/or the sensations of pain, falling, drowning or death. They can be related to physiological causes, such as a high fever; psychological ones, such as unusual trauma or stress in the sleeper's life; or commonly for no apparent cause. Nightmares can be so stressful as to suddenly wake the sufferer in a state of distress, which may prevent falling back to sleep for some time."

This is what I have in every form. I dream of heads and cutting them off, I dream of people chasing me, I dream of death.

I am now having a problem even wanting to sleep because my dreams are now emancipating into rape (of me) and mutilation where I can not seem to get away. With the “head” dream, I clearly cut them off and hid them in boxes in my luggage. I kept asking my roommate: can you smell anything” I could smell it and was worried about discovery. In my dream I was trying to get rid of the heads. Half way through the dream I woke up covered in sweat.

I think I am too young to be going thru hot flashes so I asked my “doctor that is sensitive to my mind” and he said no – absolutely not. You are just trying to resolve something.

So I go back to sleep and a mini cooper with freaks is chasing me in the desert trying to recover the heads that I am attempting to bury. I am like I so have a four wheel drive you are meat: they back off in the dream. I then try to burry the heads, but the sands keeps blowing and they (the heads)just will not go way. My dream does not back off and repeats over and over as it has done for almost a week.

So last night I thought to take no dr. meds, (lexapro) but ambien so I could sleep.

I woke up in the desert with the heads that I chopped off in the back of my jeep trying to find a place to bury them in the sand. The wind blew and blew and the heads never got covered up.

Nothing resolved Dr. Block..

I now will move on to a real situation that happened on Sunday. I was standing – not a dream real life, in front of my house, smoking a cig. A little gray Mini Cooper strolled really slowly in front of the house, like at 1 mile per hour then stopped for a second. It was odd. An “IT” for a lack of a better term was looking out of the rear passenger window. Why I say “IT” is because of the androgynous state of the appearance. At first I thought it was a sight seer woman looking at my next door neighbor’s home. Sh_IT – looked; well it was weird: a hair doo like Shawn Cassidy in the 70’ s or 80’ s but bleached blonde, Glasses out of “Top Gun” and a smile that was only reminiscent of Jim Carey’s tooth eating macabre grin, but whiter and bigger, in “Something About Irene”.

I looked at the car as it slowed, the “thing IT” looked at me. I noted the other people in the car all looked clean cut and in suits. I could not make them out as the Mini Coopers’ windows were tinted.The really odd thing is that as this car moved slowly in front of my house, I could see the odd Shaun Cassidy “its" teeth and hair and glasses shined clearly, but only see the shadows of the driver, front passenger and back seat person.

Okay down to the cut of the worse of my nightmare: which is I swear 100% true, this Mini Cooper with the grinning weirdo in the back passenger seat goes by slowly. The car gets to the stop sign around 20 yards away and them immediately goes into reverse.They reverse the car straight back to me. I am not very defensive as I feel more dumbfounded than defensive.

At first I thought they are going to look at my neighbor’s house again: knowing that all along that is not when then slowed down to begin with. So they back down the street and stop directly in front of me.

All I can see is this crazy looking person with whitish blondish hair and huge sunglasses with an even larger toothy grin looking directly at me. I backed towards the door, but before I got there, a Flash went off. At first I thought shit she"IT "shot me. Turns out, I guess, they just took my picture.

The whole incident has me unnerved and rather scared. I shared it with a cop friend and a bounty hunter friend and they said I should be scared: do a sketch or why did I not get a plate number? Not kind: but practical advise.

What to do about nightmares though? I am used to being scared awake, but waking up in a deep depression of sweat anxiousness from a dream ? This is not anything I know what to do with; ergo why I am asking everyone that reads this blog to comment and put my fears to rest or remedy the situation with advise.


Kønig Hasemörder said...

The first time you had the dream your mind was trying to work something out. Maybe the guilt of being entertained by some poor Russian rapist getting their head gratuitously cut off in a you tube via a Nazi peace promoter. You have recurrences of the dream because you sip wine to calm your nerves and before you fall to sleep you review IT in you mind, which makes IT stronger and more vivid.

The "mini coper" incident happened because you are looking for oddness. If you think supernatural, superhuman or extraterrestrial influences exist, you will find them every where. So ether report the incident to the local X-CSI files agency or join the UU's on Claiborne for mass this Sunday. Or have faith in Atheism and learn the rules of the roulette table.

You've been playing with black magic, in the night you dine in hell. Now quit scarring off tourists with your suspicious death stars.

Kønig Hasemörder said...

I'm not being a dick. You solicited advice, my friend.

Raspootin said...

My friend I would never dream of calling you a dick.

The mini cooper incident happened around 11:30 am Sunday morning and as much as I like to sip wine I certainly do not spike my morning coffee with it.

I did not think it was a supernatural experience. In fact my first and only thought was: Red Blooded All American Perverts, which was profoundly disturbing as they just took a picture of me in front of my door with my address showing.

If I thought I was hallucinating and reincarnating some character out of A Clock Work Orange sober at 11:30 in the morning, I would simply check myself into a psychiatric unit.

I would not have shared the experience with a police officer if it was a figment of my overactive imagination.

wishin said...

Hmmm.. this is interesting and very disturbing. I hope it's not anyone I know who's head you are chopping off! I'm kinda scared of you now. I will work hard not to piss you off :) Ok..seriously... I think it's all anxiety bubbling over in your mind. It's definately trying to tell you something is wrong in your life and needs attention. Maybe it's the "bad" in your life that you are trying to get rid of. Wine may have something to do with it but then again who knows. Of couse, alcohol is fine as long as it's after 12 p.m. Any drinking before that and you are just a lush!

The mini-cooper thing is freaky then again I would have ran inside when they started slowing down. Of course that's b/c I'm a scary person. Hell, I don't know if I can even go to wal-mart around here w/o having to worry about some freak robbing me in the parking lot. I chalk that one up to your over-active mind. They were most likely trying to scare the shit out of you.

Raspootin said...

I think I am going to get a small camera and make sure that I have it around my neck at all times.

I am tired of missing these "Kodak" moments.

I am beginning to think that people assume I am a pathological liar. Is there a differential between lying and having an active imagination?

Maybe I should start writing a book documenting the weirdness.

I try to be more aware when I am in parking lots since the women have been robbed. However the 3 times that I have been robbed it happened so fast that I did not even have time to think about it.

the rube said...

from what i know, sleeping aids like ambien inhibit dreams.

maybe you were in a deeper rem sleep than usual and had more vivid dreams. or perhaps this is a common theme and you usually don't remember the dreams.

in any case, most people consider dreams healthy. so is your glass half empty of half full?

Raspootin said...

definately half full :)

Its my mental stablilty that is half- empty :(

Woozie said...

I don't know why Victoria Beckham did a drive-by snapshot of you. I think you need a nap. Oh, wait. You need an all-night bender.

Raspootin said...

OMG Woozie I think you have it! I knew she looked familiar and I am almost 100% that David was driving. The other guys must have been "their people".

I guess that they were slumming in a mini must have thrown me off?

All night Bender: too old for that..

Kønig Hasemörder said...

"The mini cooper incident happened..."

Ma'am please tell me the first time you saw the mini cooper. My report has to be precise.

Raspootin said...

Thats right; mock me.

Woozie said...

That rabbit tail looks like a white turd. It always has.

unokhan said...

as beneficiary of the better living thru chemicals school, i agree that ambien cuts waaay down on memorable dreams or perhaps creates a helpful amnesia from them. if you just need a break from your nocturnal subconcious, i recommend ambien for a few days. beyond that, you know the mind takes the sleeper on a joy ride through some pretty random territory..