Thursday, October 11, 2007
Anxious in the Big Easy: dichotomy of terms
"The current usage of the term nightmare refers to a dream which causes the sleeper a strong unpleasant emotional response. Nightmares typically feature fear or horror, and/or the sensations of pain, falling, drowning or death. They can be related to physiological causes, such as a high fever; psychological ones, such as unusual trauma or stress in the sleeper's life; or commonly for no apparent cause. Nightmares can be so stressful as to suddenly wake the sufferer in a state of distress, which may prevent falling back to sleep for some time."
This is what I have in every form. I dream of heads and cutting them off, I dream of people chasing me, I dream of death.
I am now having a problem even wanting to sleep because my dreams are now emancipating into rape (of me) and mutilation where I can not seem to get away. With the “head” dream, I clearly cut them off and hid them in boxes in my luggage. I kept asking my roommate: can you smell anything” I could smell it and was worried about discovery. In my dream I was trying to get rid of the heads. Half way through the dream I woke up covered in sweat.
I think I am too young to be going thru hot flashes so I asked my “doctor that is sensitive to my mind” and he said no – absolutely not. You are just trying to resolve something.
So I go back to sleep and a mini cooper with freaks is chasing me in the desert trying to recover the heads that I am attempting to bury. I am like I so have a four wheel drive you are meat: they back off in the dream. I then try to burry the heads, but the sands keeps blowing and they (the heads)just will not go way. My dream does not back off and repeats over and over as it has done for almost a week.
So last night I thought to take no dr. meds, (lexapro) but ambien so I could sleep.
I woke up in the desert with the heads that I chopped off in the back of my jeep trying to find a place to bury them in the sand. The wind blew and blew and the heads never got covered up.
Nothing resolved Dr. Block..
I now will move on to a real situation that happened on Sunday. I was standing – not a dream real life, in front of my house, smoking a cig. A little gray Mini Cooper strolled really slowly in front of the house, like at 1 mile per hour then stopped for a second. It was odd. An “IT” for a lack of a better term was looking out of the rear passenger window. Why I say “IT” is because of the androgynous state of the appearance. At first I thought it was a sight seer woman looking at my next door neighbor’s home. Sh_IT – looked; well it was weird: a hair doo like Shawn Cassidy in the 70’ s or 80’ s but bleached blonde, Glasses out of “Top Gun” and a smile that was only reminiscent of Jim Carey’s tooth eating macabre grin, but whiter and bigger, in “Something About Irene”.
I looked at the car as it slowed, the “thing IT” looked at me. I noted the other people in the car all looked clean cut and in suits. I could not make them out as the Mini Coopers’ windows were tinted.The really odd thing is that as this car moved slowly in front of my house, I could see the odd Shaun Cassidy “its" teeth and hair and glasses shined clearly, but only see the shadows of the driver, front passenger and back seat person.
Okay down to the cut of the worse of my nightmare: which is I swear 100% true, this Mini Cooper with the grinning weirdo in the back passenger seat goes by slowly. The car gets to the stop sign around 20 yards away and them immediately goes into reverse.They reverse the car straight back to me. I am not very defensive as I feel more dumbfounded than defensive.
At first I thought they are going to look at my neighbor’s house again: knowing that all along that is not when then slowed down to begin with. So they back down the street and stop directly in front of me.
All I can see is this crazy looking person with whitish blondish hair and huge sunglasses with an even larger toothy grin looking directly at me. I backed towards the door, but before I got there, a Flash went off. At first I thought shit she"IT "shot me. Turns out, I guess, they just took my picture.
The whole incident has me unnerved and rather scared. I shared it with a cop friend and a bounty hunter friend and they said I should be scared: do a sketch or why did I not get a plate number? Not kind: but practical advise.
What to do about nightmares though? I am used to being scared awake, but waking up in a deep depression of sweat anxiousness from a dream ? This is not anything I know what to do with; ergo why I am asking everyone that reads this blog to comment and put my fears to rest or remedy the situation with advise.