Monday, August 13, 2007

blame it on the rain?

I was just thinking about yesterday at the gallery. I know that I should leave the door locked, but unlocked seems so much more inviting to the few who browse during a 112 heat index.

Anyway, yesterday I was sitting at my computer doing somewhat intense accounting work and not paying attention to anything that was more that 5 inches from my nose – meaning the computer screen.

Before I could react a very good looking and very f***up Latino man with shirt wide open had opened the door to the gallery. He immediately got on his knees and started to do the catholic thing umm jeflix (don’t know how to spell it): the crossing thing? He then moved his way bowing to me as he moved toward the desk.

I understand that I must put myself between the door and the odd person at all times, so I got up and walked towards him.

He said “no speak anglesish I nee moneeeee to go to floriiiiiiiida i no wer to liva har” I’m like well that’s fine you must move backwards out of my gallery.

Before I could do anything this guy shirt open and brown eyes fluttering is licking my toes. I had taken my shoes off while working.

Gross if you have ever seen my lack of pedicure. So I tell him he should really stop licking my toes if he wants money.

He then says: “Goddess my love my goddess “and takes my hand and starts licking it.

Hmmm the sword, knife and phone are at the desk or in the bathroom.

I tell him you are a lovely man but if you want a dollar you must back out of the gallery.

He’s all odd and looking even odder when he says: Lic palm for luc and cum back you I come back for”


“queen ya”


“I come back for you – you my queen”

On his knees he backed out of the gallery, but would not let go of my hand. When we got right by the door I told him he had to let go of me. Another licking episode –but he let go and backed outside, still on his knees.

I blame it on the 115 degree heat index, but maybe the lack of rain had something to do with it too

I immediately locked the door.

Call me stupid, but I did hand him $5 out the mail slot. He was not happy with that, but took it and bumped on his butt down the stairs.

He never came back so I guess I did the correct thing? What would you done?


Woozie said...

I don't know what I would have done but congratulations, you have herpes!

wishin said...

I agree w/ woozie. Did you wash yourself in antibacterial gel???? Eww... you should put a buzzer on the door and not buzz in the crazies! i don't know what i would have done but i have a feeling it would have involved a swift kick somewhere and a ear piercing scream.

Raspootin said...

yes I did wash my hand and feet -

I don't think ya can get herpes that way Wozzie... Can you?

Woozie said...

Maybe if he had been masturbating and then licked his hands clean.

the rube said...

lick me once, shame on you
lick me twice, shame on me

how big was he?

Raspootin said...

not that big, but "wirey" and quite "cut".

shame on me :(

I swear I took no pleasure in it.

Woozie that is just gross.

Woozie said...

Hey, you never know. People like weird things.